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Since you are now captive clients of mine

I’m pleased to charge you all, for this time

Please sign the contract circulating on pages 2, 3 and 6

No refunds available, I’m afraid, since I‘m in a rather sticky fix


I believe I need a criminal barrister

Oh! How I enjoy those few words

I seem to have been detained against my will

As I told the arrest team, it’s quite absurd!


Because I’m a solicitor, 

Don’t you see

And I’d become rather used 

To being free


I do hope your whip round 

Will reach the set bail

I really don’t want to spend

My last days in jail


Hopefully the magistrate

Will remember me

I last chatted to the beak

On the thirteenth tee


Oh! Free at last!

Thank you all so much

Fancy falling for my scam

You really must have lost your touch


So now my wake 

Is paid for by you all

I’ll leave the party early

While you’re having a ball


Cheerio! Farewell! Adieu and goodbye!

As I clutch two vintage bottles and a pheasant pie

I was just trying to liven up my last proceeding

As a solicitor, now finally receding 


Michael Ashby, Sidmouth

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